Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
