So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
