bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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