There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
