if only i could text you this smell
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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