Don't make out with my wife yet
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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