goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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