Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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