I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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