next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
