K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
