Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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