from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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