Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
