My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
