I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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