dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
