I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
