yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
