If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
