Your dad touched me again.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
