Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
