I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize