we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
