come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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