I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
