I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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