you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
