we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
