It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
