i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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