I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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