i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
