apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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