Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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