I like to think it a success when the cops are called
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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