I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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