Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
