Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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