I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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