please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
