If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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