I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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