Someone shit on the floor
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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