he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
