The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
