I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
