About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
we should paint friendship bongs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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