wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
