sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
