There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize