There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
