if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
