Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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