Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's never too late to be topless.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
