I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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