Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
