And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
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at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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