everyone is single if you try hard enough
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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