My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if only i could text you this smell
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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