You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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