If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
