Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
