I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
