There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
