thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Two words: blizzard sex
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
