I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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