I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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