how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
