Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
