She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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