You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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