remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
