I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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