Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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