Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
