Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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