he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
