brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
