You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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