I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
